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Well Being

How To Overcome Imposter Sydrome

BrainBoss-Overcome Imposter

I think I'm a Fraud

Most people see me as a very confident person. I am a very successful business consultant and best selling author. And sometimes I think to myself: ‘Hopefully, nobody will ever find out that actually I am not so good at it and things are so easy for me ? What can I do about it”

 

This is a feeling several people have approached me. It is a pattern, in which you doubt your accomplishments or talent and you have a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as fraud.

This phenomenon is known as imposter syndrome.

This might be because at some point in the past, your school results or sporting activities were measured against an ideal and then focused on the short fall. This may have imprinted a message that you’re not capable of showing your full potential. Additionally, well meant criticism “to work harder to achieve more”, may have resulted in working 'hard' to achieve results and to fulfill expectations.

Whatever the cause may be, you can change this limiting mind model.

Signs of Imposter Sydrome

Below you can find common signs of Imposter Syndrome.

  • Self-doubt
  • An inability to realistically assess your competence and skills
  • Attributing your success to external factors
  • Berating your performance
  • Fear that you won't live up to expectations
  • Overachieving 
  • Sabotaging your own success
  • Self-doubt
  • Setting very challenging goals and feeling disappointed when you fall short

Overcome Your Imposter Sydrome

 

You say that others perceive you as confident. That’s an asset already that you were able to develop a strong persona. Additionally, you are aware of what triggers your uncertainty like being exposed to new and challenging situations, having to ask for help, not feeling comfortable telling your truth, doing things too easily.

Now you only need to change your focus. List down everything in your life and assess if you cheated to achieve it. Did you buy your academic test result? Did you engage a ghostwriter to write the book?. Attach all references of your clients to the list.

You mention that things are very easy for you. Honor your talent that you understand things very fast and find a solution. That’s a cognitive ability. With this you can even help your clients and take away pressure when they realize that issues that may appear complicated can be easily handled.

You are an adult now and you do not need approval from parents anymore to be liked. You can define what success means to you at your own terms, you can value yourself for all the actions you are taking to pursue your goals. If you achieve them or not is not the question, but if you enjoy the ride and create value for yourself and others.

You have the power for change in your own hands

 

Do you know someone who has to read this?

-> Share with them the article.

Leave your questions in the comment section below.

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Interested?  Let’s work together.

Do you need to make some changes at work, a different job, or a more satisfying relationship? Could it help you to speak to a professional? 

My goal as a coaching psychologist is to provide rapid and long-lasting changes for goal-seekers. No matter where you are in the world, the sessions are held online on a secured health line.

With my unique ground-breaking BrainBoss Method you are able to uncover the deeper roots of thoughts, feelings and behavior AND instantly Rewire your brain for success ad well-being.

An over 15-years career in counseling and coaching provides you a safe space to for your personal transformation. 

Contact me today to learn how I can help make things better!  www.brainbossmethod.com

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4 Ways How To Reconcile With Your Parents

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The Psychology of Forgiveness

 

"Meeting my parents is really annoying me and it’s really toxic. Last time I was there, a small comment from my mother really triggered me and we ended up in arguments. I am actually thinking of breaking up the contact. What shall I do?"

This is a question a lot of clients ask me. It is common that children clash with their parents when they are already adults and have their own family. 

The reason behind is that you are still part of the system of your original family and old conflicts and hurt experienced as a child are still alive. In the moment when you're triggered it is that small child inside you that is reacting not you as an adult.

Not you is triggered, but the small child inside you.

As a child you are fully dependent on your parents or caretakers for protection and love. At that time we have not yet developed coping strategies to deal with certain situations or protect ourselves. If basic needs of safety, love and belonging were not met, it creates an imprint that is used in similar situations in life.

Based on this I recommend these four steps on how to handle your parents. These steps you can also adapt to your boss, colleague or partner. 

4 Ways How To Reconcile With Your Parents

 

1.Write a Conciliation letter 

Write a letter and list all the needs that were not fulfilled by your parents and all the events that were hurtful for you as a child. Do this separately for each parent, caretaker, classmate etc. 

You can use phrases like: “I really felt shame, humiliated, helpless, abandoned, anxious, not loved, not good enough, that you did…” “It still stands between us that you…” or “I resent you, that…”

If it is difficult for you to write you can use the alter ego of a wounded child writing this letter: "One day Jim sat down at his bed and wrote the following letter…"

Do not send this letter to the actual person. This letter is for you. Keep it and reread it all over again and reflect on it to acknowledge the feelings of this child. And one day you will recognize that the emotional load has subsided. Then it is the time to burn the letter or give it into a river to carry it away.

This process can take several weeks to write and finally let go off the emotional load.

Bonus: You can do the same if you have a current issue at your workplace.

You can find templates for this conciliation letter below for immediate. download.

 

2. See your parents as part of their circumstances

After you have healed the inner child inside you, you are more able to reflect on the circumstances of your parents. Their upbringing? Their relationship with their parents or siblings? 

Realize that you never were and never will be the savior of you parents and that you are not able to change your parents.

You can only acknowledge the behavior of your parents, you don't need to approve it.

 

3. Plan your time with your parents

You are an adult now and you don't depend on your parents. You can respect them for what they are: The people who brought you to this earth.

Decide how often or how long you want to see your parents. If you already know that being in the house (childhood house) together will cause a similar dynamic, go out with them to a restaurant, mall etc. Be aware that you have now the ability to protect yourself and you do not need to let their words in.

 

4. Shift the Energy in your Family System

With systemic family constellation you can have a closer look at the dynamics and the roles that are still present in your family of origin up to this day.

Your own family members don't need to be present. Participants of such a workshop will stand in for family members.

In this facilitated session you have the opportunity to heal destructive behavior, initiate forgiveness and restore balance in the system.

Systemic constellation work works also in workplace settings.

 

Summary

In order to reconcile with your parents it is important to heal your inner child first so that you can act as an adult to adults.

Know that it is not you the inner child, but the grown up adult.

Direct confrontation with your parents can often cause guilt and defensive behavior in your parents. If you still wish to directly talk to them have the conversation outside your normal gathering and give it a positive preamble (e.g. I want to improve the relationship with you.”

 

As you have read this information what is your first action?

-> Share in the comments.

-> If you know someone who needs to read this, share this article with them.

Immediately download the Conciliation letter with templates below.

Interested?  Let’s work together.

Do you need to make some changes at work, a different job, or a more satisfying relationship? Could it help you to speak to a professional? 

My goal as a coaching psychologist is to provide rapid and long-lasting changes for goal-seekers. No matter where you are in the world, the sessions are held online on a secured health line.

With my unique ground-breaking BrainBoss Method you are able to uncover the deeper roots of thoughts, feelings and behavior AND instantly Rewire your brain for success ad well-being.

An over 15-years career in counseling and coaching provides you a safe space to for your personal transformation. 

Contact me today to learn how I can help make things better!  www.brainbossmethod.com

Like What Your Read? 

Register below and receive monthly advice!

Yes, sign me up for monthly newsletter emails from Silk Celia with highlights of her blog and vlog. For more information on how we use your information, check out our Privacy Policy. You can change your mind anytime by unsubscribing.