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Leadership

Leadership In An Anxious And Uncertain World

BrainBoss Method-Lead in VUCA World

Be a Leader in an anxious world

 

"We are in a restructuring process in most parts of our company: we are changing teams and leaders, we’re reacting to the current situation. The question that comes up all the time is: ‘Where do I go from here? And how do I lead people through uncertain situations?”

We are living in challenging times indeed. Times that push us into the new with little preparedness. All organizations are affected, from businesses, to schools, civil service structures to governments. Some organizations react and others respond to your questions.

People who are leading others are expected to provide strategic solutions and measurable results, hence forgetting the human aspect of the quotation: the underlying anxiety and uncertainty.

Imagine that nobody has been in such a situation before. Hence, there are no maps guiding you.

I realize that any solution to this current situation is not based on economic knowledge anymore, but on the ability to deal with complex and uncertain situations.

Let’s look at some aspects of how you can bring certainty and motivation to the people.

Brain Hacks To Lead in Ambiguity and Uncertainty

 

1. Self-Awareness
If a situation is uncertain and perceived as stressful, the amygdala — the primal region of the brain associated with fear and anxiety-related memories — is activated. This awareness starts with you. Are you suppressing thoughts like: “I am not in control?” or “I am overwhelmed?” If you want it or not, people are sensing these feelings inside you.

Therefore, the best thing you can do as a leader is to express these feelings to yourself by journaling it or even express it to your team like: “These are challenging times. I have not been in such a situation before. I believe nobody has. Let’s go through this uncertainty together, step by step, in the best way we can.”

 

2. Purpose and Direction
Purpose is one crucial key motivator that shifts the focus to action and moving forward instead of remaining in the fear zone. Purpose shifts the attention to the we. Give your team a strong reason to hang on and go with you through current and future threats. Ensure that your team members understand this purpose through interpersonal talks.

Best leaders provide a clear direction and are honest about the fact that the direction may need to be adjusted if circumstances change.

Define clear roles for team members and set with them their individual goals. Give regular brief feedback about their current status and acknowledge their valued contributions.

 

3. Autonomy and Creativity
Another important motivator is autonomy. After you have defined roles and goals, let go of control and trust team members to schedule their own time and activity how to reach their goals. Let them work when they are at their best to produce the best outcomes. Novel new solutions are coming when you are loosing the grip from your cognitive control system to find paths that have never been taken before.

Create moments of creativity by leading brainstorming sessions with your team or teach team members ways of intuitive insights like meditation or intuition exercises. Start the creative process by asking: “Where do I go from here to there?” Imagine all what you don’t want to experience and what you wish to experience as an outcome.

 

4. Action despite Feelings
ACT action commitment therapy focuses on showing the client that they can act in accordance to their values in high states of anxiety, depression, stress. As a leader you can transfer these principles to your organization. If employees are aligned with the purpose of the organization and find their values reflected in it, they are more likely to prioritize actions to fulfill their values. The question you may want to ask  is: “What makes it important for you to stay and work?” Relating to their values makes it easier to commit to actions.

 

5. Reassess
While you are navigating towards the given direction, be open to additional information that could help you evaluate whether your direction is working out or not. If one option does not work out, see this as part of the creative learning process.

Keep your team informed and remind them you are doomed to make mistakes as nobody has the golden map. Know that for mastery you have to try out what works and what does not work all over again.

 

6. Remain optimistic
Best leaders are believing from within that something good is going to happen. At the end of the day they write down with their team three amazing things that happened to them to keep this optimistic view present as things are already good in the now.

 

Summary

Let me close with a quote from Winston Churchill:

“Continuous effort, not tenth or intelligence, is key to unlocking your potential.”

From the above tips select two you want to put continuous effort in?

-> Share in the comments.

-> If you know someone who will benefit from it, share this post with them.

Interested?  Let’s work together.

Do you need to make some changes at work, a different job, or a more satisfying relationship? Could it help you to speak to a professional? 

My goal as a coaching psychologist is to provide rapid and long-lasting changes for goal-seekers. No matter where you are in the world, the sessions are held online on a secured health line.

With my unique ground-breaking BrainBoss Method you are able to uncover the deeper roots of thoughts, feelings and behavior AND instantly Rewire your brain for success ad well-being.

An over 15-years career in counseling and coaching provides you a safe space to for your personal transformation. 

Contact me today to learn how I can help make things better!  www.brainbossmethod.com

Like What Your Read? 

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6 Ways To Tame Your Emotions

How To Tame Your Emotions

You Can Control Important Meetings From Within

 

In my position I often have important meetings in which I have to represent myself. It should be routine by now, but such situations still make me uneasy and uncomfortable. What can I do?

 

Thank you very much for your openness. The biggest issue most leaders face in such situations are the feelings and emotions that come with it.

Based on your framing of the meeting the internal alarm system signalizes a potential threat and reacts with an automated stress response that’s not even in your conscious control. As a consequence you feel uncomfortable and uneasy and don’t react in the way you had intended. And sometimes even in ways you judge yourself after.

If your internal system is on fire, you can’t hold a board meeting in the same building.

There are some ways top performers/leaders are doing before and during the meeting.

Neurohacks to regulate your emotions and your response 

 

1.Change the frame. If you label the meeting as something important where you have to shine or even deliver a negative message, it puts pressure on you and the circumstance. If you now label it as an “exchange of information among people with a positive intention”, how does this make you feel now?

 

2. Anchor yourself in the present moment. Feel your feet firmly on the ground, and imagine roots going from your feet into the ground. Feel deeply rooted. Additionally, imagine a tree trunk from your buttocks downwards. This simple exercise gives you not only stability but also lets you better focus on the meeting.

 

3. Get panoramic. Expand your eyes to both sides to get a panoramic view. With a panoramic view you can take in more information about what's actually happening in a conversation. In contrast in a stressful situation you tend to concentrate on a particular thing.

 

4. Breathe like the seals. Use a specific breathing technique to get into a more relaxed state and buffer the sympathetic response. Breathe in through your nose in two stages: starting from your belly up to your chest. Then exhale with an audible breath expressing relief. Combined with the panoramic gaze you have an instant tool to stay calm and concentrated.

 

5. Label Your emotions. Be in your body to sense what is going on there. Emotions are energy in motion that are creating sensations in your body like tension, tightness, numb etc. It is then another brain region in the insula area of the mid-brain that interprets these sensations as feelings. And at this point you can gain control. Label the feeling and sensation in your body: “I feel…. (overwhelmed, not understood etc.)” or “I sense that my … (belly, fist, chaw etc.) feels (tight, tensed, numb etc.). You will realize that the energy will shift as you separate yourself from your emotions. You are not your emotions anymore.

 

6. Color the scene. If you feel that you are not acting the way you intended, set a stop signal and color the whole scene with your favorite calming color. With your imaginary eye, splash the color all over the people, the table, the walls… until your feeling shifts to a neutral zone. From here you can do the panoramic gaze and the breathing to encourage the parasympathetic system for reset.

 

Summary

With all these neurohack tools from grounding over gazing to coloring you are in a better leading position to focus your attention on the other person or persons and respond to answers and create a conducive environment.

 

As you have read this information what is your favorite tool?

-> Share in the comments.

-> If you know someone who needs to read this, share the article with them.

Interested?  Let’s work together.

Do you need to make some changes at work, a different job, or a more satisfying relationship? Could it help you to speak to a professional? 

My goal as a coaching psychologist is to provide rapid and long-lasting changes for goal-seekers. No matter where you are in the world, the sessions are held online on a secured health line.

With my unique ground-breaking BrainBoss Method you are able to uncover the deeper roots of thoughts, feelings and behavior AND instantly Rewire your brain for success ad well-being.

An over 15-years career in counseling and coaching provides you a safe space to for your personal transformation. 

Contact me today to learn how I can help make things better!  www.brainbossmethod.com

Like What Your Read? 

Register below and receive monthly advice!

Yes, sign me up for monthly newsletter emails from Silk Celia with highlights of her blog and vlog. For more information on how we use your information, check out our Privacy Policy. You can change your mind anytime by unsubscribing.

How To Overcome Imposter Sydrome

BrainBoss-Overcome Imposter

I think I'm a Fraud

Most people see me as a very confident person. I am a very successful business consultant and best selling author. And sometimes I think to myself: ‘Hopefully, nobody will ever find out that actually I am not so good at it and things are so easy for me ? What can I do about it”

 

This is a feeling several people have approached me. It is a pattern, in which you doubt your accomplishments or talent and you have a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as fraud.

This phenomenon is known as imposter syndrome.

This might be because at some point in the past, your school results or sporting activities were measured against an ideal and then focused on the short fall. This may have imprinted a message that you’re not capable of showing your full potential. Additionally, well meant criticism “to work harder to achieve more”, may have resulted in working 'hard' to achieve results and to fulfill expectations.

Whatever the cause may be, you can change this limiting mind model.

Signs of Imposter Sydrome

Below you can find common signs of Imposter Syndrome.

  • Self-doubt
  • An inability to realistically assess your competence and skills
  • Attributing your success to external factors
  • Berating your performance
  • Fear that you won't live up to expectations
  • Overachieving 
  • Sabotaging your own success
  • Self-doubt
  • Setting very challenging goals and feeling disappointed when you fall short

Overcome Your Imposter Sydrome

 

You say that others perceive you as confident. That’s an asset already that you were able to develop a strong persona. Additionally, you are aware of what triggers your uncertainty like being exposed to new and challenging situations, having to ask for help, not feeling comfortable telling your truth, doing things too easily.

Now you only need to change your focus. List down everything in your life and assess if you cheated to achieve it. Did you buy your academic test result? Did you engage a ghostwriter to write the book?. Attach all references of your clients to the list.

You mention that things are very easy for you. Honor your talent that you understand things very fast and find a solution. That’s a cognitive ability. With this you can even help your clients and take away pressure when they realize that issues that may appear complicated can be easily handled.

You are an adult now and you do not need approval from parents anymore to be liked. You can define what success means to you at your own terms, you can value yourself for all the actions you are taking to pursue your goals. If you achieve them or not is not the question, but if you enjoy the ride and create value for yourself and others.

You have the power for change in your own hands

 

Do you know someone who has to read this?

-> Share with them the article.

Leave your questions in the comment section below.

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Interested?  Let’s work together.

Do you need to make some changes at work, a different job, or a more satisfying relationship? Could it help you to speak to a professional? 

My goal as a coaching psychologist is to provide rapid and long-lasting changes for goal-seekers. No matter where you are in the world, the sessions are held online on a secured health line.

With my unique ground-breaking BrainBoss Method you are able to uncover the deeper roots of thoughts, feelings and behavior AND instantly Rewire your brain for success ad well-being.

An over 15-years career in counseling and coaching provides you a safe space to for your personal transformation. 

Contact me today to learn how I can help make things better!  www.brainbossmethod.com

Like What Your Read? 

Register below and receive monthly advice!

Yes, sign me up for monthly newsletter emails from Silk Celia with highlights of her blog and vlog. For more information on how we use your information, check out our Privacy Policy. You can change your mind anytime by unsubscribing.

4 Ways How To Reconcile With Your Parents

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The Psychology of Forgiveness

 

"Meeting my parents is really annoying me and it’s really toxic. Last time I was there, a small comment from my mother really triggered me and we ended up in arguments. I am actually thinking of breaking up the contact. What shall I do?"

This is a question a lot of clients ask me. It is common that children clash with their parents when they are already adults and have their own family. 

The reason behind is that you are still part of the system of your original family and old conflicts and hurt experienced as a child are still alive. In the moment when you're triggered it is that small child inside you that is reacting not you as an adult.

Not you is triggered, but the small child inside you.

As a child you are fully dependent on your parents or caretakers for protection and love. At that time we have not yet developed coping strategies to deal with certain situations or protect ourselves. If basic needs of safety, love and belonging were not met, it creates an imprint that is used in similar situations in life.

Based on this I recommend these four steps on how to handle your parents. These steps you can also adapt to your boss, colleague or partner. 

4 Ways How To Reconcile With Your Parents

 

1.Write a Conciliation letter 

Write a letter and list all the needs that were not fulfilled by your parents and all the events that were hurtful for you as a child. Do this separately for each parent, caretaker, classmate etc. 

You can use phrases like: “I really felt shame, humiliated, helpless, abandoned, anxious, not loved, not good enough, that you did…” “It still stands between us that you…” or “I resent you, that…”

If it is difficult for you to write you can use the alter ego of a wounded child writing this letter: "One day Jim sat down at his bed and wrote the following letter…"

Do not send this letter to the actual person. This letter is for you. Keep it and reread it all over again and reflect on it to acknowledge the feelings of this child. And one day you will recognize that the emotional load has subsided. Then it is the time to burn the letter or give it into a river to carry it away.

This process can take several weeks to write and finally let go off the emotional load.

Bonus: You can do the same if you have a current issue at your workplace.

You can find templates for this conciliation letter below for immediate. download.

 

2. See your parents as part of their circumstances

After you have healed the inner child inside you, you are more able to reflect on the circumstances of your parents. Their upbringing? Their relationship with their parents or siblings? 

Realize that you never were and never will be the savior of you parents and that you are not able to change your parents.

You can only acknowledge the behavior of your parents, you don't need to approve it.

 

3. Plan your time with your parents

You are an adult now and you don't depend on your parents. You can respect them for what they are: The people who brought you to this earth.

Decide how often or how long you want to see your parents. If you already know that being in the house (childhood house) together will cause a similar dynamic, go out with them to a restaurant, mall etc. Be aware that you have now the ability to protect yourself and you do not need to let their words in.

 

4. Shift the Energy in your Family System

With systemic family constellation you can have a closer look at the dynamics and the roles that are still present in your family of origin up to this day.

Your own family members don't need to be present. Participants of such a workshop will stand in for family members.

In this facilitated session you have the opportunity to heal destructive behavior, initiate forgiveness and restore balance in the system.

Systemic constellation work works also in workplace settings.

 

Summary

In order to reconcile with your parents it is important to heal your inner child first so that you can act as an adult to adults.

Know that it is not you the inner child, but the grown up adult.

Direct confrontation with your parents can often cause guilt and defensive behavior in your parents. If you still wish to directly talk to them have the conversation outside your normal gathering and give it a positive preamble (e.g. I want to improve the relationship with you.”

 

As you have read this information what is your first action?

-> Share in the comments.

-> If you know someone who needs to read this, share this article with them.

Immediately download the Conciliation letter with templates below.

Interested?  Let’s work together.

Do you need to make some changes at work, a different job, or a more satisfying relationship? Could it help you to speak to a professional? 

My goal as a coaching psychologist is to provide rapid and long-lasting changes for goal-seekers. No matter where you are in the world, the sessions are held online on a secured health line.

With my unique ground-breaking BrainBoss Method you are able to uncover the deeper roots of thoughts, feelings and behavior AND instantly Rewire your brain for success ad well-being.

An over 15-years career in counseling and coaching provides you a safe space to for your personal transformation. 

Contact me today to learn how I can help make things better!  www.brainbossmethod.com

Like What Your Read? 

Register below and receive monthly advice!

Yes, sign me up for monthly newsletter emails from Silk Celia with highlights of her blog and vlog. For more information on how we use your information, check out our Privacy Policy. You can change your mind anytime by unsubscribing.

5 Ways To Be an Empathetic Leader

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Developing Empathy - A buzz Word in Leadership Development

 

I have been in leadership positions for 5 years now. I don’t want to come across weak. Why should I develop empathy?

I can understand your point of view that an empathic leader could come across weak. It depends how you define empathy. 

We are wired as social beings. Empathy has a crucial place in our evolutionary history to create social bonding in a versatile environment.

Empathy is either the sensations and feelings we’re getting in response to the emotions of another person or understanding other people’s perspective or feelings.

In my opinion these are crucial skills of a leader. It reflects to others how you are perceived: insensitive, protective,  demanding or collaborative and integrating.

Have you ever asked yourself how your own feelings and emotions could be picked up by people around you? Your own uncertainty and fear being transferred to the whole team?

Or how insisting on your own point of view could hinder other ways of problem solutions and manifest the way of least resistance.

Doing something about empathy now, could change the coherency of your team.

Let me share with you 3 tips how to be more emphatic and be perceived as a great leader:

5 Empathetic Tips For Effective Leadership

 

1.Listen actively. Listen to the other person as everything they’re saying is secret information. Notice what is also transmitted with the message (feelings, intentions). Be rather an observer than a critic who is already looking for the next argument or question to respond.

 

2. Don’t interrupt or edit: Hold on to your temptation to interrupt the person to bring the massage to the point. This allows the speaker to fully express their view and point. Make it a goal for yourself to repeat the original information.

 

3. Respond to the person: Go beyond the story and respond to the person behind the story:  “Wow. I can really feel your enthusiasm and commitment!

 

4. Paraphrase: Take up the information and make it your own. Use your own words to mirror back what you have understood and what you have picked up from the emotions.

 

5. Bring in your opinion: When you bring in your point of view let it be information instead of pretending you have the truth: “In my opinion” or “I heard someone say.”

 

Summary

Empathy is a skill that can be learnt.

If you apply these tips into your work life you will discover an increase in the quality of outcome, better team coherency and better performance. 

 

PS:

Be surprised when your 360 feedback improves

Source: Jeffrey Allen (hearing your own filters)

As you have read this information what tip you want to follow?

-> Share in the comments.

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Interested?  Let’s work together.

Do you need to make some changes at work, a different job, or a more satisfying relationship? Could it help you to speak to a professional? 

My goal as a coaching psychologist is to provide rapid and long-lasting changes for goal-seekers. No matter where you are in the world, the sessions are held online on a secured health line.

With my unique ground-breaking BrainBoss Method you are able to uncover the deeper roots of thoughts, feelings and behavior AND instantly Rewire your brain for success ad well-being.

An over 15-years career in counseling and coaching provides you a safe space to for your personal transformation. 

Contact me today to learn how I can help make things better!  www.brainbossmethod.com

Like What Your Read? 

Register below and receive monthly advice!

Yes, sign me up for monthly newsletter emails from Silk Celia with highlights of her blog and vlog. For more information on how we use your information, check out our Privacy Policy. You can change your mind anytime by unsubscribing.